Shooting hoops in 90-plus degree heat and political analogies might be ‘Foxworthy’

Sure you get a little loopy if you’re out there in blazing heat, and when it’s 86% humidity at 11 a.m., some extra truths might come to mind. When its 75 under the trees when you leave the house, its 86 two miles later at the school, and 92 after twenty minutes hoisting Js, you might be in Charlotte.

If you couldn’t put it in the ocean sitting in a rowboat, there are flashes of light before your eyes, and you just want to do a Donald and make a stupid going-home shot and declare victory, its probably from the heat in Charlotte.

If you can’t make an ‘and one’ free throw in ’21’ after going back to 15 five times, and you’re wimpering because you forgot to bring water, state that its not your responsibility, declare victory and go get a cold one in Charlotte.

If you go 0-for-the day on shots from the corner, say “It was a great day of shooting anyway!” 16 times, and then complain to the bodega guy about the wooden blocks on any other rim with the glass backboard as government overreach, you might blame the heat in Charlotte.

If clanging stuff off the rim makes a REAL racket, and you immediately demand funding to all schools be cut off unless they stop wearing masks, it might be from the heat in Charlotte.

If you can’t make a decent jump shot or free throws because the ball is slippery with sweat running down your arm, just take a bunch of layups, declare 15-footers the work of anarchists, and whine about the humidity in Charlotte.

If the ball richochets off the curbing under the basket, and you haven’t got the energy to run three steps to cut it off and wind up walking halfway across the parking lot to get it, that’s probably from the @#$%&*@! heat in Charlotte.

If you’re shooting from around Juneau, Alaska because your eyes can’t seem to focus good on what wrong or right in the moment, and your Daddy isn’t there to tell you how to cheat it, you might fall victim to the heat in Charlotte.

If there’s nobody around, not even on the playground, to yell to about how much better you usually shoot than anyone you know, that’s probably because most people are smart enough not to be out in such wicked heat in Charlotte.

OH, and because the governor in North Carolina said he wouldn’t allow a no-masks, COVID “Super Spreader” event in Charlotte’s nice indoor, air-conditioned hoops-hockey arena – and thanks for the $50 million deposit – gooooood LUCK to anyone planning on being in Jacksonville’s OUTDOOR stadium in AUGUST. They say politics can be ugly, but if 25 minutes is plenty in Charlotte heat…

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